From the article: Keep Your Cool When You Discipline Children and Tweens
Nobody sets out to lose it, but tweens can really push your buttons. What does your tween do that really drives you crazy? How do you control your temper when your preteen is doing everything possible to set you off? What can you advise other parents to do when they find themselves on the verge of losing it? How can parents stop yelling at kids in order to discipline better, listen better and parent better? Share Your Suggestions
Learning to avoid situations
- The grocery store seems to be where a lot of our sibling rivalry begins and lately continues all the way home with me in the middle trying to keep the 6 year old and 11 year old sisters apart. They simply take a playful moment and begin with a swipe or a mean stare and it begins. My instructions to stay away from each other seems to lead to more aggressive behaviour. Raising my voice does attract attention of innocent bystanders, but I see no excape except to try to nip the behaviour in the bud at the moment it begins. My torment is that this happens in public whiile walking home with armfuls of groceries or bookbags or other neccessary item. I wish I could ignore the behaviour and have a quiet walk home. If I avoid a group trip to the grocery store, I might have fewer incidents to deal with. I'm struggling to do the right thing, and to help our family fit in and to make new friends.
- —Guest frustrated mom of 2
Response from my teenage boy
- "Dad, you realize that yelling happens when you are out of resources. In other words, a lack of education." This made me stop in my tracks. He is right. So, my return statement is, "I'm working on it!"
- —Guest Guest D.
What Does NO Mean?
- I have 2 boys (11 & 4), of course I understand that the 4-yr-old is still learning, but my 11-yr-old, WOW! 'Mom, can I do this' or 'can I go to so & so's house'? No, or just no, not right now. 'But mom!? Just let me do it'? 'NO'! 'But you could do it for me?' And the first thing that comes to mind is 'what have you done for me lately'? Not in a mean or ugly manner, but, I am divorced, live with my parents, whom I also take care of, haven't had a REAL job in 2 years, clean the bedroom at least 10 times a week, I get no help with putting up laundry, mom puts the elders up for him! So I'm curious as how to not scream and yell at them (him), let alone drive my car off of a cliff?! I do, and always have, got in my car and just drove, no not to find a cliff, but to get out of the situation, of course mom doesn't like this because of my frame of mind while I'm out driving, but I find it calming to drive with my favorite CD blaring so loud that the police look at you!
- —Guest suzan
Boy, Does This Hit Home!
- I have an 11-year-old step-daughter that does the same things, plus slams doors when anyone tells her "no" to anything. She's rude to everyone, even her teachers. She always says that she cannot wait until she turns 18-years-old. And now I have a 10-month-old daughter -- the fun things to look forward to all over again. It's just starting!!
- —Guest Cherise
Boy, does this hit home!
- I have a 12 year old daughter who is perfectly sweet and nice some days, and just outright rude on others! I spent 15 minutes today combing and brushing and styling her hair for school (she has very long, thick curly hair that is hard for her to take care of on her own). Right after I finished with her hair, she decided to put her bookbag on across her chest (never mind that she was just going out to the car), and messed up her ponytail. When I asked her to hold still for a second so I could brush her hair again, she started sighing, rolling her eyes, and mumbling under her breath. Of course, when I told her I didn't appreciate it, and to quit it, she got upset, and insisted she didn't do anything. This is one thing that I absolutely cannot stand, and it takes all my restraint NOT to yell at her!
- —Guest L.
