Hardly any parent sets out to lose their patience when they discipline children and tweens. But living with a tween can add plenty of stress to your household. Because these children are in a phase of constant transition, they can be moody, challenge your authority, and cause any number of stressful situations. And for some reason they usually stir things up when you're tired or putting out fires of your own. But you can keep your cool when you discipline children and tweens, here's how:
Put Yourself in Your Tween's Shoes
Try to
remember what it was like to be a tween, and how difficult it was to manage all the changes in your life. Understanding your tween's point of view may help you keep your emotions in check.
Make Time for You
The pressures of parenting and working can cause anyone to lose their temper from time to time. If you add in the stresses of other possible situations such as a divorce, a job loss, or the care of an elderly parent, and stress levels can reach all time highs.
Making time for you seems like a no-brainer, and yet so few parents find the time to do anything for themselves. Setting aside time every week to read, work out, spend time with friends, or work on a project or hobby is time well spent. You'll feel better, and will have a healthier outlook on everyday life. And that means you'll be a little more patient with your children.
Recognize Your Emotional State When You Discipline Children
It's hard to recognize that you're at your wits end until, well, you're at your wits end. But knowing that you're about ready to lose it can help you prevent it from happening. If you think your patience is wearing thin, tell your tween that you're in no state at the moment to discuss the matter at hand, and that you'll collect yourself and continue the conversation in a few minutes. Another option is to ask your spouse or parenting partner to take over, so that you can prevent your own meltdown.
Sometimes, it's also helpful to reach out to a relative, friend, or neighbors who may be willing to just listen, or offer up advice if that's what you're looking for.
Imagine You're Being Watched
Some parents swear by this tactic. When you discipline children, imagine there's a hidden camera watching you and documenting your reactions. The idea that you're on display can help you manage your emotions and remain calm in high stress situations.
Put it Into Perspective
When your child has done something that pushes your buttons, ask yourself if the situation will matter much in 10 minutes, half an hour, or even a day later. Putting the event into perspective may help you better manage your emotions and your tween.
Anticipate Problems Ahead of Time
Anticipating what your tween will do or say ahead of time may also help you in tense moments. For example, if you know your tween will turn her nose up at every item on a restaurant menu, then think about how you'll handle the situation ahead of time. You may decide to allow her to sulk and go without dinner while everyone else eats, or you may decide to stick a package of peanut butter crackers in your purse before you leave. Another option would be to tell her before she leaves the house that if she can't find anything suitable on the menu, she can't expect to order dessert. Relaying your intentions to your tween before an incident happens may prevent her from engaging in the confrontational activity that will set you off.
Give Yourself a Time Out
You'll send your tween to his room
when he talks back or misbehaves, but have you ever considered giving yourself a time out when you're about to blow? Telling your children that you're angry and will talk about the problem later may give you time to calm down, put your thoughts in order and decide on a course of action. Establishing a time out for you doesn't necessarily mean locking yourself in your bedroom. You could take a walk around the neighborhood, run an errand, or mow the lawn. Anything that gives you time to cool down, and put it all into perspective.
