Is it Normal to See Children Dating?

Question: My tween has had a boyfriend for a while and it seems quite serious. Is it normal to see children dating like this?

Answer: You may think your child is too young to be in a serious relationship, but it's not uncommon to see children dating. When researchers asked 12-year-olds whether they'd been in a "special romantic relationship" in the previous 18 months, a quarter of them said they had. This is much less than during the teen years when up to 70% of kids are in a relationship. Still, one out of four children dating is noteworthy.

Regarding seriousness, tween romances seem to be similar to teen and adult relationships in a number of ways. For one, tween relationships are usually not kept secret. Most 12-year-olds who were dating said that they actively told others about their relationship. In addition, the majority of the dating tweens had met one another's parents.

In addition, some tween romances have staying power. One study found that 20% of 12 to 14-year-olds had had a relationship that lasted at least 11 months. Given how fast tweens's lives are changing, 11 months is certainly a significant period of time.
That said, though, relationships among tweens are likely to be more superficial than later relationships. Tweens tend to pick their boyfriend or girlfriend based on the person's looks, clothes and/or social status. Teens, on the other hand, are more likely to focus on internal traits and common interests when picking a partner, just as adults do.

All in all, your tween is not alone in having a long-lasting, serious romantic relationship. Whether children dating is healthy or unhealthy, however, is still debated by social scientists. Therefore, it's up to you to determine what you're comfortable with for your child and to set up ground rules, regardless of what other kids may or may not be doing.

_Source:

_{Collins, W. Andrew. More than Myth: The Developmental Significance of Romantic Relationships During Adolescence. Journal of Research on Adolescence. 2003. 13(1): 1-24.}